i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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