apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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