3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
