I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
