i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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