it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
