Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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