She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
