If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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