so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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