It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
