This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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