I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
