i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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