I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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