false alarm. still invincible.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
