It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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