I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
