Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize