Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
