I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
