I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
