For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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