I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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