My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
