I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
