How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
