i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
