i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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