i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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