i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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