Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
