I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
