Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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