Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
