so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
