I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
