You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
