so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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