thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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