babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't notice because vodka
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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