i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
