absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
