we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
