I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
