rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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