how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
