having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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