...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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