If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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