she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
