my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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