I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Two words: nipple clamps
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