how hairy? two words: wookie tits
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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