you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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