yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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