we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
