You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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