i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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