im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
