My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
