I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
