Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
