He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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