True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
