I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
