So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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