Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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