Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
