So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
