So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lost the right to judge tonight
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
