I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
