sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
