she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
