careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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