i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
