so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
