Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
