planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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