u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have fence marks all over my body
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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