No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
