woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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