oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
